But you Bankers…..

“you bankers are SCARY.”   (Sylvester Stallone in “Oscar”)

Bankers are the latest in a long and destinguished list of people who I believe need to be strapped to a gurney and castrated with a rusty pen knife.

It is true – much in the same way i automatically question the motives of people who WANT to go into politics, anyone who WANTS to be a banker you can almost universally assume is a greedy bastard who should be shot on sight.

1. On what planet is it ok to spend a million dollars renovating an office while your business is circling the proverbial drain?

2. On what planet do people get amazing bonuses, consisting of many times their annual salary, for not only failing, but failing miserably?

3. On what planet can you lend $500,000 to someone for a house who can’t even prove he has income, and not expect it to come back to bite you?  (I’m a small business owner, even I have 1099 forms showing my income.)

What sparked these two questions running through my mind like a pack of barking dogs chasing a car is this.

Industry “experts” say that imposing salary caps on executives while they are taking aid from the federal government will cause the best and the brightest executives to leave the banking industry…

And I have two follow-up questions for these supposed “experts”

1. If they were the “best and brightest” in the industry, why is it that their banks are failing?  Why do they need aid?

2. Where the fuck do you think these bankers are going to go?  How do you interview for a position with a resume that says something like: “Bankrupted my last copy and cost the taxpayers of the united states 50 Billion dollars in the process.”

Now I used to be a big supporter of the bailout, when I thought it was going to be implemented sanely.  But then the Bush administration got ahold of the money and handed it out to everyone and their mother without getting so much as a damned receipt, let alone something concrete like a BUSINESS PLAN.

Then enters the Obama administration.  I had  high hopes for the Obama administration, that is until I realized that congress was still….well….congress.

It started with “I don’t work for President Obama.”  No you schmuch but in a time of need you should at least try to pretend to work WITH him.

Then came headlines like “Congress Trumps the White House” when they tried to do the president “one better” on capping executive salaries, forgetting of course to make it retro-active to the FIRST bailout.

Why?  Because bankers have money, and like it or not, money drives politics.  Of the 535 members of congress (435 Representatives, 100 Senators) not a single fucking one of them is honest in any way, shape or form.  They’re all on the take, they’re all out to protect their jobs and their little fiefdoms.

And they can all go fuck themselves.

Here’s my plan -

1. Nationalize the banks.  Hell with it, we’re halfway there already.  Take control and make them all a part of the federal reserve.  Make them non-profit which will keep shit like $4 ATM fees and $2 “Balance Inquiry” charges to a minimum.

2. Round up all of the bank executives and shoot them.  Ok, maybe that’s a bit forgiving.  Audit them back 20 years.  Look at every receipt, every record, etc.  Crawl up their asses with a microscope and comment on the decor.  If one thing is found out of the ordinary put it on public display.  Charge them peanalties and interest back to the date of the infraction and if they can’t pay it, lock them  up until they do with 24×7 webcams on them so we can see what happens to fuck-heads who put their $25,000 toilet seats ahead of the people of this country.

3. Free up the credit markets.  Provide 1% loans, re-age and recompute mortages so people don’t find themsevles trapped by their homes.  Enforce fair credit-card rates, and get money moving.  This recession isn’t going to end until *WE* start spending money again, and the only way to do that will be to make credit available.  No one is spending money when they owe $200,000 more on their house than it is worth.  Trust me in this, 1st hand experience.

Buy a clue.  You’ve got enough damned money.