“If you have to ask for it, it’s not really a gift.”

…It’s granting a request, which, while nice, isn’t the same thing.

My wife said this to me some time ago, and it took me a while to realize that the ramifications of the statement are staggering.

This concept rings through in all avenues of life.

In work: If you have to ask for a raise the raise is not really a statement of appreciation of your hard work, it’s merely acceptance that it would probably be more expensive to train your replacement.

In Holidays: If you have to ask your spouse/significant other for a specific present, even going so far as sending them a link, it’s not gift giving, it’s shopping with someone else’s credit card.

In meal planning:  See above, if you’re planning a special event for someone and you have to ask them what they want, you really don’t know them as well as you think you do.

In Sex:  If you or your spouse or significant other has to ask for sex, then the other partner isn’t *REALLY* willing but is instead just giving in, probably in hopes of getting a decent night’s sleep.  (as a side note – if you’re relationship gets to the point of having to ask, I suspect it’s all downhill from there.)

It is true – the only real gift is the one that’s given without prompting, without scripting, and without expecting anything in return.

We as a culture SUCK at gift giving.