I believe….

At the end of the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour”, Jeff, Larry, Ron, and Bill play a sort of game.  They each say something that they believe.

Given who they are it’s usually *REALLY* funny.   My favorite is one from Jeff Foxworthy (used, as usual, without permission)

“I believe that when someone jumps in front of you on the freeway and they don’t give you that little one-handed wave in the rearview-mirror, that it should be legal for you to get up under ‘em, break ‘em free, and put ‘em into the wall.”

I decided today that I would write down the things I believe.  Not that anyone cares.

I believe that we we spend too much money trying to make tobacco safer.  I believe that instead we should be making it MORE dangerous.  Hell I think one cigarette out of ever pack should be rendered absolutely lethal.  This introduces an element of fun into smoking, every pack comes with a free game of russian roulette.

I believe that anyone willing to die for god should be given the opportunity to do so.  Immediately, without hesitation.  I’m sure that the nutcases willing to kill in the name of god will be willing to volunteer for the job.

I believe that anyone who actually wants the job of President of the United States (or any country really) should be immediately and irrevocably barred from holding the position.  The job itself holds too much temptation for the power-hungry.

I believe that anyone not willing to pay the taxes required to support their community should be allowed to opt out.  I believe the next time the fire-department is summoned to their home that alternate payment should be made in advance.  No checks, cash only please.

I believe that the difference between a “protest” and a “revolution” is merely committment and a matter of scale.  If the riot police are enough to turn you away, then you really didn’t want it enough anyway.

I believe that anyone who thinks sex is “bad” or “immoral” or “indecent” should immediately be banned from having any.  Ever.

I’ll continue this later..  I believe my lunch is here. 

Oh, and I believe that Michael Jackson gave up any claim to “greatness” the first time he paid $20+ Million to keep the family of a child quiet.