Working: Sort of
Watching: Person Of Interest – Season 2 Ep 2
I love REALLY good TV shows. The best ones for me are the episodic ones where each episode is a self-contained story, but there is an underlying story arc that kind of hides in the background until you get to the end and go “wow – so *THAT* is where this was headed.”
I feel like my life is one of these shows sometimes. Each day is self contained, it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. But there is also an underlying current to it all. Taking me somewhere.
I don’t know where it is taking me. I know my life is usually some brand of chaos. I know I usually wrap each day up in a nice little package, but the underlying story arc is a mystery to me.
I’m 50 years old – a fairly recent development – so I’m more than halfway through the series and still don’t know the damned plot… I have hammered out a few salient plot devices though.
I don’t get to retire. I’m going to die at my desk. Barring an unknown rich relative taking pity on me in their will or winning the lottery (that I keep forgetting to play) that’s something I’m pretty sure of at this point. But I am well insured so my family won’t want for anything after I’m gone.
The funny part about it is, once I figured that out, once I decided “Retirement isn’t in the cards for me” life got easier. Or at least more pleasant. Taking that “how do I retire” question off the table changed my direction. So now it’s “how do I stay alive” which is actually a much easier question when it comes down to it. Eventually the house will be paid off, maybe even the student loans. From that point on, my need for income gets cut in half, which makes life easier right?
So how do I make the rest of my life worth living.. That’s the problem that I seem to spend most of my days on.